If the engagement ring is simply the wrong size, both bride and groom have little need to worry, because resizing is actually quite easy.
There you are -- you're sitting in a park, on the beach, on your couch, in bed, in a baseball stadium or wherever, when the man you love drops to one knee and tells you he wants nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you. He asks for your hand, pulls out a ring, slips it on your finger and ???
Wait. It's too small, but your now-fiancé is making your finger bleed by trying to jam it over your first knuckle. Or maybe it's too big and won't stay on. Or maybe the diamond is in the shape of a pink heart and it hurts you to look at it.
What is a bride-to-be to do when her engagement ring leaves her feeling totally disengaged?
If the issue is simply that the ring is the wrong size, both bride and groom have little need to worry, because resizing is actually quite easy, says Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor at TheKnot.com.
"Adjustments are quite simple if the ring is up to two sizes too big or two sizes too small, which is actually a pretty big range," says Dolgin. "And it's unlikely that your fiancé would be more off than that."
If the ring is too big, jewelers can provide a spacer, a small piece of plastic or metal that attaches discreetly to the interior of the band and decreases the size without permanent changes. They also can possibly stretch it a little or cut it and put in another piece of metal. Unless there is something really elaborate going on with the ring, like trillion or baguette diamonds low on the sides, it shouldn't be much of a problem, says Dolgin.
But if it's not the size, things can get a little trickier. Your man has likely gone to a quite a bit of effort to present you with a ring he thought you'd like; it's a situation in which he's nervous and could easily have his spirits dashed, especially if you outright say you hate it.
"Even if you secretly can't stand the ring, don't take this moment to express or show it," says Dolgin. "The most important thing taking place is not the ring, but rather the marriage proposal."
Then, a day or two later (you don't want to take too long, says Dolgin), pick one aspect of the ring that bothers you and gracefully explain that while you love him and the sentiment, the ring just isn't what you had envisioned. Even if there are three things you hate, such as color, shape and setting, just pick one -- the one will likely get your ring replaced anyway, so you can take care of them all in that moment.
"It will feel more organic, even if it isn't!" says Dolgin.
The cost involved in exchanging the ring varies from place to place. Some will give you a 75-percent credit toward a new ring, while others will do a full 100-percent switch. Some will let you exchange the stone, but will charge you 100-percent for a new setting due to all the work they put into the first one. Fitting a bigger stone to the original setting can actually get quite difficult, but brides should keep in mind that there is pretty much never a good time to say the stone from the first ring isn't big enough, Dolgin warns.
Another option, if you just can't fall in love with your ring, is to trade it out at a later date when something catches your fancy, when you and your husband have more money or to mark a significant event, such as an anniversary.
Merriah Fairchild, a political organizer in Portland, Ore., who got married in 2004, helped design her diamond engagement ring with her boyfriend and they had it made by a jeweler in Beverly Hills. But when she finally got it, the ring looked more like a high school art project.
"It just looked cheap and unfinished," says Fairchild. "Even after I took it back to them and they redid it, it still just looked unprofessional."
The stones on the ring were also set in a way that caused the ring to catch on things, so Fairchild stopped wearing it every day and only donned it for special occasions. After her wedding, she wore a simple, white gold wedding band, but wasn't too fond of it either. She and her husband agreed that he would get her a new ring on their fifth anniversary.
But before the anniversary could arrive, Fairchild's mother, Sharon, offered her a yellow gold and multi-diamond ring to wear as her new wedding band. Sharon had recently given Merriah's sister her old wedding ring for her engagement, and thus felt that both daughters should have a ring.
"I love that both my sister and I now wear rings that had belonged to our mother," says Fairchild. "Perhaps it wouldn't have been my first choice if I was picking out a brand new ring, but the fact that it is personal, totally sold me."
